The Handshake: The Case of First Lady Michelle Obama and Indonesian Minister Tifatul Sembiring

On a November trip to Indonesia, the media reported that First Lady, Michelle Obama, shook the hands of Information Minister Tifatul Sembiring. Sembiring was described as a devout Muslim who followed strict Islamic laws and responded to the press that he shook Michelle Obama’s hands “not by choice.” The gesture itself in the United States would not pose a problem as it is customary in introductions, but within Islamic conservative faith the gesture is severely frowned upon. This is because shaking the hands of women is not allowed, except if the female is a close relative. A strict cultural code within the Muslim culture was violated when Michelle Obama reached out her hand in a gesture to shake Sembiring’s hand. The Indonesian leader has received criticism from conservative Muslims in the country for doing this; they said that he should have known better to not accept the First Lady’s handshake.

In Culturally Intelligent Leadership, I describe that leaders working in today’s global economy must be strategic thinkers, mindful of their behaviors, and adaptable and agile in intercultural interactions. I call this a leader’s ability to be culturally intelligent. The ability to successfully adapt to unfamiliar and new cultural environments and settings is not a one-way street. Everyone has the capacity to develop and learn from their cultural environments to be more culturally intelligent, no matter your national and ethnic affiliation or the cultural identity you identify with.

In this situation, we can use the cultural intelligence model to reflect upon the cultural norms and behaviors, and to learn how we could approach the situation from a different lens.

1. Acquire. A fundamental aspect in cultural intelligence is the ability of a person to think differently about the intercultural situation. The ability to “think about thinking” represents a person’s capacity to identify what is known and unknown in a situation. The process includes bringing to the surface experiences, particularly emotions and feelings that are similar to what one is facing, and strategizing what could be done based on what knowledge is known. In this important piece of CI, asking questions of oneself to gauge the situation is critical. Ideally, when you know you will be entering a culture unlike your own, it is important to think about and plan for your cultural interactions. Of course, even in planning, not everything will go as planned.

In this incident, both leaders could use the Acquire component of CI in this way:

Both leaders could benefit from understanding how gender and power are conceived in different cultural contexts.

Micelle Obama: What are the gender roles in Islamic culture? How might the leaders I meet treat me as a female, not of the Islamic faith? What are the appropriate languages or words I could use to address these male leaders? How do I feel when I meet someone who doesn’t share the same idea of gender equality or equity?

Indonesian Leader: What is the power afforded to me because of my gender within the Islamic faith? What are the gender roles outside of Islamic culture? How might female leaders I meet treat me? What are the appropriate languages or words I could use to address these female leaders? How do I feel when a female, who is not a relative, shakes my hands? Why do I feel this way?

2. Build. In CI work, it’s important to be able to identify the key things you know about a culture and the things that you need or want to learn. It’s preferable to do this before entering the culture, but you can do it during and afterwards as well.

A simple tool that can help you to build your CI in this area is to take a piece of paper and draw a line in the middle to create two columns. On the left column, write down the things you already know about the culture you are entering. On the right side column, write down the things you feel you need to learn. Generating a list is helpful as it forces you to think about the things you need to acquire and build throughout your relationship with a new and unfamiliar culture. In this situation, both leaders would identify the things they know and what they want to learn (e.g. gender roles in different cultural contexts).

3. Contemplate. Essential to CI is one’s ability to be resilient, confident, and be forgiving. Cross cultural studies demonstrate that individuals who are more adaptable in cultural settings are those who are able to “bounce back” from mistakes, defeat, failures, and/or misunderstandings. A person’s ability to be motivated and confident in situations like this is crucial. If the First Lady or the Information Minister walked away thinking “It’s frustrating and useless to engage in conversation/interaction with someone of another culture” then this begins a pattern of thought that can move one away from adaptability. However, if each decided that they made a mistake or even recognized the fluidity of their own cultural values and norms, then this creates a different pattern of thought and behaviors. They turn a “situation” into a learning experience for themselves. As leaders of large, global societies, they model the way for others.

4. Do. This fourth component of CI speaks to one’s ability to be adaptive and be willing to change. In this situation, the First Lady and the Indonesian Information Minister would need to contemplate the following: What would I lose if I decided to shake the hand of another person that I am not allowed to shake? What about me will change? What will be different that I didn’t notice or see before? What will I gain in this experience?

These are questions that help one to transition from one state of being to another. By identifying the thought patterns and behaviors that will be lost, leaders like First Lady Michelle Obama and Minister Tifatul Sembiring identify what values and beliefs underline their thinking, as well as the assumptions they have about each other or themselves. Adaptive behavior is difficult but it is not impossible to achieve. This is why the other elements of cultural intelligence e.g. acquire, build, and contemplate, are so important and they all work together to create a more culturally intelligent person, someone who can successfully adapt to unfamiliar cultural settings.

To practice cultural intelligence, I would recommend using this case study and working through the Acquire, Build, Contemplate, and Do elements of the CI Model. Take the perspective of the other and see where your CI journey leads you!

For more information about this topic and to purchase Culturally Intelligent Leadership: Leading through Intercultural Interactions, please visit www.cileadership.com